05 April 2009

More fan mail!

One of my fans is a Vietnam Veteran in Upstate New York, and thought that I was going to make a statement that, across all wars, war is hell.

But after reading my blog, he began to realize that the art of war has changed since the 60s and 70s. Although we've improved our counterinsurgency strategy significantly since that era, we've also instituted the following rules in the last few years: no sex, no alcohol, no porn, no ordering kiddie pools online, and absolutely no cans of compressed air to clean the dust out of your keyboard and computer, lest you get the inclination to inhale it.

Oh yeah, and let's not forget that you have to wear reflector belts everywhere you go.

Indeed, as I've come to find out, war isn't so much hell in that William T. Sherman-march-to-the-sea sense, war is simply hell in that "I'm-perpetually-stuck-in-2nd-grade-Catholic-school" sense.

So in honor (or pity) of me, this particular fan decided to brew a beer specifically in my name--Sir [Starbuck's first name]'s Ale. Unfortunately, I will have to wait until I'm back in the US to enjoy it. Yes, only in America [or our bases] are we deemed trustworthy enough to carry around loaded automatic weapons all the time, but not responsible enough to consume a drop of alcohol.

1 comment:

El Goyito said...

You seem most bothered by the reflector belt. You should post a pic of one and tell us why the heck these are so important (I can assume but i'd rather hear your take).

At least they haven't put Java off limits yet...