So it was a bit of a slow day today, so I wound up in a conversation during which I tried to determine who the most useless 1980s cartoon character ever was.
A number of suggestions came forward. Snarf from the Thundercats. Orko from He-Man. He-Man himself. (I mean come on, the guy runs around in a g-string and talks about his "fabulous secret powers". I think we all know what this guy's issue is.)
But then we settled on Perceptor from the Transformers. What does he transform into, you might ask? A cool car, a rocket ship, a gun? No, he transforms into a microscope.
Let that sink in. This transformer transforms into a fucking microscope and adds...microscope powers to the battle. Seriously, there's this scene in Transformers the Movie where all the Autobots are trying to run from the Decepticons. All the Autobots are transforming into cars and speeding away. Even this little kid in an exoskeleton learns to transform into a car. But what does Perceptor do? He runs like the little bitch that he is! Seriously, Optimus Prime and half of the Transformers die in this movie and he lives on? W...T...F...?