28 November 2009

The Star Wars Holiday Special...Bad News...

Edit: Updated the video and links.

I didn't make it all the way through. In fact, I only made it about six minutes. A full five minutes of Wookiees grunting at each other and making frantic gestures was just too much for me. I didn't even make it as far as the Bea Arthur song, nor the Jefferson Starship song, nor the Carrie Fischer song about the Wookiee holiday (set to the tune of the Star Wars theme), nor the scene in which Chewbacca's father watches porn while Chewbacca's son and wife are playing in the living room.

That last sentence may sound kind of bizarre to those who have not seen this monstrosity, but I'm not making this up. Chewbacca has a son, a wife, and a father on Kashyyyk, the Wookiee homeworld, whom we never see or hear about in the movies. Well, maybe Chewbacca actually talks about them, but we're just unable to translate it. Maybe during the award scene on the planet Yavin, when Han and Luke get medals (and Chewbacca, for some reason, doesn't), his triumphant growl means "I wish my dad and wife and son were here". We really never know.

Anyway, on to the Wookiee porn--well, yeah, judge for yourself as to whether or not Chewbacca's father is actually watching porn in this video. I argue that he is. And it's human porn, too, which makes Chewbacca's father a sick bestial freak. They never showed THAT in Revenge of the Sith!

The following video is--surprisingly--rated G. Seriously, watch it...if you dare.